I'd been looking forward to this evening all weekend. It was supposed to be a 70 degree day today, full of sunshine. What a perfect opportunity to run outside! I got into work early with all the motivation of getting out of there as early as possible to enjoy the sun and temps with a much-anticipated outdoor run.
If I've learned anything so far in life, it's that if I get my hopes up for something, it generally doesn't work out as planned. Lo and behold, this time was no different. Surprise, surprise. I ended up having to stay late at work to help get a project done and meet some client deadlines. I worked furiously, watching the sunlight slowly fade each time I happened to get up and catch a glimpse out of the windows. I wanted to cry. I don't mean this figuratively either - I was practically fighting back tears as I listened to others head home to enjoy their nights. The longer I sat at the desk, the more frustrated I got. I alternated between anger, disappointment, frustration, and defeat. I finally got to a point where I could leave the office and finish the rest from home later tonight. I've never packed up so quickly in my life. I watched the clock for the entire car ride home, knowing it was already too late to run outside. It was already past sunset (according to my weather app), and we were all driving with our lights on. I honestly don't believe I did this, but I lost it on the way home. I know it wasn't entirely about missing a perfect day for a run, but I felt silly anyway. I felt a few tears in my eyes and on my cheeks and did my best to suck it up. Then I got angry, took out my frustration on my steering wheel, and then started crying again. (I swear I'm not hormonal!) After I pulled myself together, I switched to defiance, deciding that work and darkness weren't going to stop me from enjoying a run outside today.
I ran inside when I finally got home, threw some food in the cat's dish as I got changed (the poor thing puts up with so much), and then grabbed a flashlight and headed out the door. I did another thing I can't believe too - I scooped up my glasses off the counter as I rushed by, deciding last-minute that my safest bet was to try wearing them. (A little background here - I can't see far away all that well, and it's significantly worse when it's dark. But my prescription isn't strong enough for contacts, so I just have to wear glasses at night or in dark settings, like movie theaters.) Anyhow, I felt ridiculous as I headed out the door in the dark with my glasses on and flashlight in tow. The trail I run on is not lit and crosses several roads, but my plan was to light my way with the flashlight and just keep circling between the two roads bordering my stretch of the trail. If I got uncomfortable, I vowed to just go home - at least I would have tried.
I was in such a hurry and still so frustrated that I didn't even walk to warm up. I just took off running. My mind was everywhere and I could tell I wasn't focusing on form, pace, or breathing. About a quarter of a mile down the trail, I came up on the paved pathway from my neighborhood onto the trail - and I had an epiphany. The streets in my neighborhood are lit with street lights. Duh!!!!! I quickly turned around and headed down the path into my neighborhood instead. I couldn't believe how dumb I was not to even think of running on the streets instead! It's definitely not my preference - the neighborhood is small (just three small cul-de-sac's) so I have to keep looping around, and it's basically all hills (which I hate). But it was better than running in the dark or not running at all at this point.
I was pretty distracted for most of my run and tired out quickly because of it. I wasn't relaxed, which also didn't help. I only ran 2.25 miles, and it actually ended up being a pretty miserable excuse for a run. I was slow and tired. My glasses kept sliding off my face because I was sweating. But guess what? I felt better by the time I got home. Even if it wasn't my best run ever and even if I almost broke my glasses a few times, I let off some of that steam from earlier today and got to take in the beauty of the day as I walked to cool down. I rejoiced in the feel of the still-70 degree temps on my skin and felt the post-run satisfaction and relaxation settle in. I was feeling more like myself again, even if I didn't run far or fast.
I suppose I should stop procrastinating though, and get back to that work project. There are a couple more nice days in this week's forecast that I'm looking forward to, so hopefully they turn out better than today!
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