I know I haven't been writing much, and to be completely honest it's because there hasn't been much to write about recently. I was slowly letting my eating habits slip, with multiple birthday celebrations, dinners and lunches out, cakes and desserts, and other emotional eating to deal with stress at work. I knew my weight was at the top of my maintenance range, but I just kept going. After all, one bad meal or one bad day doesn't ruin everything, right? Too bad I was having more than one bad meal a day some days and more than one bad day a week. And when I start to eat poorly, I get lazy and tired. Which means I make excuses not to workout. All this to say that I finally woke up one morning, stepped on the scale, and to my horror saw a number above my maintenance range.
Now, I'm not normally a person who's motivated by stuff like this. When things start going downhill, they usually keep going - faster and faster - because it gets me down, I get defeated, and I start thinking that it's all too hard and just not worth it anymore. I've been there before. So when I got off the scale and looked at myself in the mirror, I could honestly see that I'd gained back some pounds. I'd been ignoring it but it was time to face the facts. And I had a decision to make.
I was arguing with myself - it would be oh so easy and so wonderfully enjoyable to just keep sliding and revert back to my old habits. It was so tempting. Cookies, ice cream, lots of sitting on the couch, pizza, fast food, and pasta. I love it all. I looked at myself in the mirror again. I didn't smile. And I thought about how proud I used to be and how big my smile was when I was at my fittest and was still shedding the pounds (in a healthy way). I thought about how good I felt - not just about myself and my body, but about what I had pushed myself to accomplish along the way and how much less sluggish I felt on a daily basis. I loved that feeling so much. But I love junk food and chocolate so much too.
I went back and forth and finally decided that I needed to stop being a pansy, suck it up, and get back to work. I could still have chocolate and cookies and pizza - just not everyday and not in large quantities. I'd just gone overboard the last couple weeks. It wasn't the end of the world. I needed to give myself a good swift kick and a dose of motivation. I'd done this before and could do it again. I wanted to be proud of myself again and promised there and then that I'd get back there.
I'm still out of my maintenance range as of this morning, but I told my wonderful hubby/personal trainer that I needed a little more help and guidance, and I know he'll be wonderful. I made us a great healthy dinner last night (a great pork lo mein dish that you can find here: Pork Lo Mein - and surprise surprise, I didn't have all the ingredients, so I swapped out the teriyaki glaze for some reduced sodium soy sauce I had on hand - absolutely amazing results. Highly recommended by both of us!), and I got back on the treadmill today. It would have been so easy to skip my run again tonight. I had hurried home from work, ate a small portion of our leftovers for dinner, then rushed outside to try to get the grass cut before dark. Mind you, I was also trying to cut grass in 43 degree weather. Needless to say, I ran out of daylight before the grass was done, and my hands were so cold I had contemplated going back inside for gloves. Not ideal conditions for a run by the time I stopped cutting the grass. And there was vacuuming to be done, dishes to be washed, bills to be paid, and clean laundry to be put away. Lucky me - I had that brand new treadmill waiting for me in the basement. I could have easily skipped my run again with all I had to do around the house, but I prioritized. I reminded myself how embarrassed I was of letting my weight get out of range and how badly I wanted to feel good again. Before I knew it, I was downstairs in my basement running. And boy do I feel good now. I feel refreshed and motivated - ready to get back on track and start making myself proud again! After all, I already set a goal for myself to run a 10k next summer, and I'm not exactly going to be able to do that if I stop running now... ;o)
No comments:
Post a Comment