I realize that I've taken a good 6-7 month hiatus from this blog. But that doesn't translate into a hiatus from running and living a healthy lifestyle. In short, I kept up my running throughout the winter (even if it was on a treadmill inside 98% of the time), all while working 65-75 hours a week January - April. I even went so far as to reserve hotels based on the availability of a fitness center or treadmill, and if that wasn't an option, I sought out nearby fitness centers, calling them and signing up for week long guest passes. My co-workers thought I was crazy. "Obsessed" they said. "But aren't you tired after working this much?" they asked. "I don't know how you even have the time to do that." Well guess what - I made the time. I didn't have it. Sure, some days that meant 30 minutes less sleep or 30 minutes less work, but I prioritized. Some days I stepped on the treadmill after 11:30pm, knowing full well I had to be awake before 6:00am the following morning. But I stuck with it. I was pretty dang proud of myself to be honest.
Until spring rolled around. I had been DYING - I mean absolutely DYING - for spring weather so I could reasonably run outside on a consistent basis again. Finally the weather broke, and I laced up my shoes, threw open the door and stepped outside. My mile-wide smile quickly turned to frustration and pain as I fought to re-adjust myself to outdoor running again. I didn't understand. This was where my running started. This was the ONLY place I ever ran until this past winter when I broke down and purchased a treadmill. Why was it suddenly SO difficult? I was significantly slower than my treadmill pace and yet noticeably more exhausted at the same time. I had found the treadmill much harder than outdoor running at first, but apparently my body had adjusted so much to the treadmill that it was having a hard time making the transition back to the outdoors that my mind loved so much. It was beyond frustrating. I broke two miniature flashlights attached to my keys when I threw them down onto the pavement in frustration following some of these first outdoor runs. I wanted to give up on running altogether at this point. I had signed up for my first 10k which I'd be running in late April, and it was clear I was nowhere near ready. I could easily run a quick 8 miles inside, but I was wussing out after 2-3 miles outside, completely exhausted and with an embarrassing pace. As much as I wanted to give up, I shed my tears quite a few times but picked myself up and kept getting back out there. I was determined to re-train my body so I could enjoy what I loved most about running.
I kept on going, and kept being disappointed, and in just a few weeks the 10k came around. I knew I wasn't really ready, but I showed up anyway and gave it my best. I struggled badly with the hills and ended up walking up parts of the hills. My treadmill training at an incline of 1 didn't prepare me for this. I did finish the race (and I wasn't last!!!!), but I was disappointed in having to walk, and I couldn't make it in my goal of under an hour. So when I heard my name called as the first place winner in my age group, I almost fell off the bleacher I was sitting on! What?!?!?! First place in my age group?!?!?! I wasn't sure I'd heard right as I walked up to receive my medal. That's right - my medal. My first EVER real live race medal. I couldn't believe it. I was on cloud nine, even if I wasn't happy with my performance. Needless to say, I quickly found out that although I placed first in my age group, I was also the ONLY one in my age group!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahaha! Sure, it put a little damper on my medal, but as long as I don't add that minor detail into my story, I sound pretty bad ass! :o) Plus, I was still super stoked to receive my first race medal. Yay!
With my first 10k in the books and my medal hanging around my neck periodically (my husband would laugh at me when he'd walk in the kitchen to find me cooking with it on, or walking around the house de-cluttering while proudly wearing it), it was time to focus on my next goal. At some point during all that time spent on the treadmill and consistently being able to run 8 miles at a time, I got a crazy idea in my head that I could run a half marathon someday. So one winter day when there was miraculously very little snow and ice on the ground and relatively mild temps (I say "mild" relatively - I still had on full Under Armour cold gear with a scarf wrapped around my face), I set out to tackle the full 13.1 miles outside - just to see if I could reasonably do it. Why sign up for a race if I know I can't make it, right? :o) Well it wasn't pretty, and I thought I wasn't going to make it back home a couple times, but I finished all 13.1 miles that day. I made it home in just under 2:30:00. A few days later, I closed my eyes and clicked on the "register" button to sign myself up for the Akron Half Marathon in Akron, OH. Eeeek!!!! What did I just do?!?!?! But I had plenty of time to get ready for it - and it was still winter time. Mind you - this was all BEFORE my realization that my body couldn't run as well outside anymore!
I've spent all summer trying to extend my long runs on the weekends and building up my total weekly mileage. There have been ups and downs. Days when I felt like the most awesome runner ever, and days when I've thought I should throw in the towel and never run again. I've also struggled quite a bit with the nutrition recently. I think the longer runs increase my appetite SO SO much, and then I end up eating more. And let's face it - if I run 11 miles for my long run and am pushing 25 miles for the whole week, I guess my brain feels entitled to more chocolate chip cookies and ice cream than I'd been allowing. I've gained 5 pounds back, and I've read lots of articles about runners gaining weight during training for marathons and half marathons for these very same reasons. I don't feel bad though, and I don't look bad yet when I look in the mirror, but I CAN tell in certain places. So no, it's not all muscle, if I'm being completely honest with myself. So I'm facing this constant battle with myself every day at this point. I've done pretty well these last couple days, so tomorrow should be tough. I usually only make it a couple days before I fall off the wagon for another day or two. Then back to the beginning and repeat the cycle over and over again. One of these days I'll find the self control inside of me to put those cookies down and walk away after only 1 or 2. I found it before and I can find it again - I have no doubt about that! :o)
But back to my half marathon training. So I've spent all summer training for this. I finally sucked it up last weekend and pushed myself to run 13.1 miles again - the first time since my one random attempt during the winter. I DID make it. It was a couple minutes over 2:30:00 (which I set as my goal for race day), but I finished it. I started struggling at about 7.5 miles, and at 8.25, I stopped to walk for the first time. I took a route I had never run before (in an attempt to keep the scenery new and exciting so I wouldn't get bored), and I failed miserably to realize that the way out was almost all a slight downhill. That meant that when I turned around just before mile 7, I was facing the second half of my longest run ever being almost entirely uphill. Talk about an uphill battle. This one was literal. When I stopped to walk at 8.25 miles, I texted my hubby to tell him I was struggling and that I needed some motivation to make it the remaining 5 miles home. He told me that cat needed fed (he was at work so he couldn't do it). Very motivational..... Lol! I took a deep breath and took off running again. I alternated between periods of running and walking the rest of the way home, which actually kinda disappointed me, but I managed to run the entire last mile, and only missed my goal by a couple minutes. I was so proud and couldn't wait to tell the world. :o)
Then there are days like today. I headed out after work for a 4 mile run before it got dark. It was a hot day, but only 85 degrees, and only about 50% humidity, so I don't know what the heck my problem was. I was tiring before I even hit the first mile. Sure it was Monday, and hot, and I'd had a tense day. Sure I hadn't even had a second to sit down since I got home from work either, and I was carrying all that tension of my day with me. But running generally relieves all the stress and tension. And I even brought water along with me this time because of the heat. My pace was slow today for a 4 mile run, and my body was just a complete sweat factory. And when I say sweat factory, I mean it. I am not one of those girls who "glistens" or "sparkles" or "shimmers". Please. Give me a break. I SWEAT. Like crazy. I make dri-fit clothes look like a lie. Today was an exceptionally sweaty day. I soaked through two paper towels before making it to mile 2 and had to resort to using my shirt to wipe my face the whole rest of the way. Sweat was literally rolling down my forehead and nose and chin. It was running down my arms and dripping off my elbows. It was flying off my knees with every step. I have no idea what was wrong. I was exhausted. I had to stop and walk during a 4 mile run today multiple times. And it wasn't even because I was pushing the pace too fast. I felt like I was dying, and no part of today's run was enjoyable, no matter how hard I tried to make it enjoyable. It was one of those runs when I wonder what the heck I'm even doing out there....and what the heck I was thinking when I decided I could run in a real half marathon. What a joke. I felt like a failure today. I finished out the run and came home anyway. I'll have to try again tomorrow and keep remembering my successes in the past. Sometime we just have bad days, I guess! I'll get over it, and tomorrow will probably be fine, but for now, it finally inspired me to get back here to my blog. Not the happiest or proudest return to blogging, but then again, running isn't only defined by success. There's a lot of failure, and I'm not afraid to admit mine!
For now, I'm off to bed in hopes that tomorrow will be a better day. Sweet running dreams! (Hopefully I'll get a chance to share some of my awesome cooking and recipes in the coming weeks too - I've made some kick-ass food in the last 6 months!)
No comments:
Post a Comment